Susan Layton

Film Producer - ASL Performer - Life Learner

Tag: therapy

My Suit is Suiting Me Well!

Thus far, I have been going to “therapy” for almost two weeks, resting on both Saturday and Sunday.  I am a different me!  I feel GREAT!  It has snowed three times, rained three days, gloomy a few of the other days and sunny (but sweater weather) the rest of the time.  By this time of the year, with this kind of weather, I wouldn’t make it out of my house much.  If I wasn’t scheduled for work or at church, I would mostly be in my bed or trying to get things done around the house.  I would have such trouble in my head and cry in my pillow (or driving or wherever anyone was not).  When I would go out, everyone would think I was the happiest of people.  I would try very hard to hide my struggles with depression.  I very much dislike looking like a miserable, howling, dying cat.  (Smiling but it’s true!)

The first few days (“or so”) of my water ‘therapy’ I kept reminding myself that I am fighting against depression.  It was on my mind the entire time I was in the Lazy River, not being lazy. Ha. The next couple of days it was snowing and I just tried turning my thoughts to “it’s snowing and that’s not bad”.  I felt like Wreck-it-Ralph in “Wreck-It-Ralph” during his therapy session.  🙂  But after those days passed, I’m not there for depression anymore.  Sure, it’s the underlying purpose I get myself to the aquatic center every day and will continue to go there.  I also recognize my fight will most likely always be there.  But I’m, thankfully, to the point where I can put the thoughts of “depression – you can beat it” to “I am here and work on me” … or Instead of, “I gotta keep my head afloat today – don’t worry about the snow – I can do this!”, it’s “I said ‘good morning’ to Thelma and Kristine and Jaime and all those others and hallelujah, I feel it! I mean it!  It IS a good morning!”  Then there is this reminder: “Don’t forget how I feel today when tomorrow, next week and forever more rolls around!  This is why I come!”

So, you’re like, the title, Susan!  Why did you title this blog “My Suit is Suiting Me Well” and you haven’t mentioned a suit?  Well, I’m gearing up to that.  Water therapy requires suiting up for the water.  Yeah. (dot, dot, dot) Sigh.  Having to suit up everyday, I wanted to feel like I could walk in the water and not yell “SPIDER!” as I point across the pool, hoping all the heads would turn the other way.  (Smiling, laughing, yeah, I think I’m funny!  What can I say? Hehe. But the spider thing, yeah, felt!)  Anyways, I deliberately bought a black suit and a pair of free flowing black shorts to wear during my water therapy.  ‘Deliberately’ meaning black and black.  I didn’t buy it out of depression, but one that might hide my pear-shape uhhh …. whats the word … attributes.  Yeah, attributes.  The attributes I don’t feel as comfortable with while in a swimsuit.  😀  Susan, that’s weird.  Too bad.  BUT,  what has made me feel more confident is this: my new bravery suit (translation: swimsuit) feels good and fits in the all the right places (a rare moment), and if I’m gonna be honest (and I’m gonna because this is what this blog is about – insecure me learning to love me) – dang it, the suit looks good on me, pear-shape and all!  The bonus: The compliments!  Didn’t expect them – at all! But they come and it feels so good!!

What’s your favorite part of getting well – physically, mentally or spiritually?  What have you done to get yourself on your healthy path?  Mine was getting a swimsuit I can live with.  Share with me your thoughts and comments below!

(A new friend at the pool asked where I got my swimsuit – so for you, my darling, here it is: )

Winter is Coming … “Therapy” for me

This year, winter is coming – yeah, I know, it seems to come back every year.  Sigh. Crazy. *chuckle*

My body knows even before I wake up that the weather is different that day.  That’s the worst!  Not even being able to get up out of bed and say, “Good Morning”.   But this year I was/am bound and determined to not let depression take over my life.  Because that’s what it does.  I bought me a new swimsuit (because mine is in storage far behind other stuff)  and a pass to the aquatic center.  It wasn’t that easy though.  If you deal with depression or know someone who does, you know it takes a long time for two “simple” tasks to happen.  You go back and forth debating, rationalizing, making excuses for, reasons why you need it, reasons why you shouldn’t, etc – all valid and real in your minds eye.  But it was after a hard day and I told my husband I can’t do this anymore!  I need to a swimsuit/pass.  He said, “DO IT!”  So I did.  I was dancing in my mind.  Excited for the potential this suit and pass would give me!

The day arrived when my suit arrived in the mail.  I got everything ready for the next days new adventure.

This adventure really comes down to this:  I don’t want to deal with what I dealt with last year or the year before or all the other times I’ve dealt with depression.  I KNOW I feel good or better when I exercise and eat right than when I don’t.  This year I am going to do all I can to fight it.  I’m going to fight for me!

I might still need to go to therapy.  I’m not taking that off my needs list.  But the costs of taking care of me and health potentials this offers me is probably cheaper than therapy and physically great for me.  I’m calling my new adventure “Therapy”.  Because it is therapy – I feel better after I leave, mentally and physically.

Since I’ve been going to the pool, I have been tempted to go and do more land exercise after I swim (run, lift weights, rower machine, etc).  Although that would be healthy for my body, I know me and I would end up feeling that I’m not doing enough.  So I resisted that idea and instead I am swimming (which is not really swimming – our aquatic center has a Lazy River which pushes the water along in a continuous circle (ish) – I run that course, do various arm exercises, leg exercises, core exercises while I go round and round) and I work hard in the pool.  And for now, that is good enough.  I leave and say to myself, “I did it! And I’m proud of what I’ve done!”  The temptation to say I didn’t do enough is there but I’m learning to say, “I did enough! And I’m proud of what I’ve done!”

That’s my new adventure …. called “Therapy”.  I will be updating my adventure as winter rolls along.

This picture is one I took after my first day of “water therapy”.  Right after my “therapy”, I went and got a haircut.  I said, “This is a new start to me.  Welcome winter!”


Sincerely, Susan


If you are in a similar situation (dealing with depression), what are you going to do to keep yourself healthy and perhaps help improve what you are dealing with?   If you don’t deal with depression, what ways can you make your life better with health and nutrition?


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