I’m almost the big 4-0!
A number I always thought I’d embrace, but now that it’s knocking at my door, I feel like I’m trying to roller-skate backwards, on ice, as fast as I can because a swarm of bumble-bees are headed straight towards me. “Aaack!” Are you with me? Haha. That!
As I turn a new chapter in my life, I am also reminded that I am not getting any younger. So with a lot of thought, I decided there is no better time to start a new job. I’m really excited. This job has been a dream job for a very long time. My duties as a mother, a wife are not secondary to my new job but stand equal to the duties of my new job; however, it is a job and it cannot take the back burner. It is a job that I have always wanted to do but for reasons, mostly created from my own fear or ability to stand up for myself, have never really been able to accomplish or sustain for long periods of time. My new job: PERSONAL CARE-TAKER!
Yes, my new job is to be my very own personal care taker! I hired me! And it’s a job I am taking seriously! Since starting my new job, I am a happier and stronger person. My motherly responsibilities are accomplished easier. My new job has created a more positive wife. Since starting this new position, the dividends have paid well: I am positive. My physical and mental health are stronger. I feel balanced. I …. accomplish! *Jaw drop!* (haha-but true!) I am happy. I am able.
Prior to accepting this new position, I felt either physically sick, down in the dumps, or fatigued. Every day, I would be taken back to the days I felt strong and able to do what I wanted to do. Oh yes, I knew exactly what helped me: exercise and eating healthy. But I feel like I have tried to get back to doing that, but was overwhelmed with the almost impossible task at hand. Something was in my way, mentally. I finally got to the point *clap clap* that I would eat a healthy breakfast and a healthy dinner, but everything in between I consumed what was easy, fast, and often “oh my, I’ll just make a PBJ for me too” because I’m too (blank: tired, busy, overwhelmed, or just don’t want to bother with healthy). But why did I still feel sick, tired, or whatever other ‘blah’ feeling? As far as exercise, I had really great intentions, ALL of the time! But if I’m honest with myself, and you, those great intentions came with their own set of “IF’s” … “if I could fit in the time”, “if I didn’t need a nap”, “if I didn’t have to work early that day”, “if…. if…. if….”. I never really thought those excuses, they just kinda happened naturally. Sometimes I really did get in a run and I would feel ON TOP of the world! Then I’d think, I’ll do that again tomorrow cuz that was awesome! Do you know what I’m talking about?
Fast forward to a Sunday, not too long ago. Church had just finished and a sweet friend (and AMAZING cook) asked if our family would join theirs for dinner. Oh wow, of course! We’d love that! … The food was amazing, as always! Our visit was just splendid, as always! … And then, my intestines or something inside of me felt like they were being strangled and twisted in tight fists! It was one of the worst pains I had ever felt. It went on and on… I didn’t know what to do. It finally calmed down but within a few seconds, it started up again. Slowly the feeling moved to the center of my innards. And then back to the side again. It went on for almost an hour! It finally settled to where I could stand. The pain, though not as excruciating, continued over the next 5+ days. That made me reconsider my struggles with food and exercise. That was my “AHA!” moment!
Why did I wait till I had so much pain, (I even considered going to the hospital … and for anyone who knows me, I will do anything not to go to a doctor or hospital! Ha), to put MY needs first?
The day after the severe attack, I said, I am hiring a personal care-taker. I am hiring ME! Because I KNOW what it is I NEED! I KNOW what I CAN do! I KNOW how STRONG I am! I AM the best candidate! I am tired of feeling sick. I am tired of feeling tired. I am tired of being put last on my very own list! I AM STANDING UP FOR ME NOW!
Within those 6+ days of pain, I ate healthy and exercised, without fail! What resulted was feeling stronger. I developed an “I CAN” attitude, an “I HAVE TO” slogan, an “I LOVE MY FAMILY ENOUGH TO…” mentality, an “THEY WILL LOVE ME FOR IT” and “I WILL LOVE ME FOR IT” thought process. This is a JOB! I go to work each day. And if you notice its not work with quotation marks. Because “work” to me means “wink wink – haha – isn’t that cute? I’m going to “work”” … And I’ve decided its not that kind of work. This is a job! No exception, no excuses. It comes regardless of my other jobs, employed inside/outside of my home.
I decided I COULD come up with every excuse “not to” but I have used up all those excuses, and it turns out, none of them love me back!
I am getting older. Life is carrying on. And it will carry on with or without me. I want to be here as long as I can. The only way for that to happen, and to minimize the aches, pains, sad faces, and all that I can control, and as long as the good Lord will let me stay, is for me to excel at my new job. 😀