Creating videos gives me an opportunity to share music with many people in a different way than they may have experienced it before.  Each video has cost me a different amount of money, depending on my videographer, the location I shoot, the number of people in the video, and so forth.  Although I want to make a living performing, it hasn’t happened yet.  At one point, I thought if I could put together a fundraiser, then I could create more videos in less time, and perhaps make that transition sooner than later.  I did a lot of research on how much each video should cost, including location fees, videographer fees, etc.  I had to calculate into my fundraising goal the fundraising site fees as well.  I set the online fundraiser up and push the green button to make it public, dreaming and hoping of great success.  During this time, I struggled with serious self doubt, depression, and other emotional baggage.  It was a very difficult time for me.  I had been dealing with depression in small bouts before I began the fundraiser but as my fundraiser progressed, it became clear, in my eyes, that I truly was a failure.  ‘Failure’ was evident with the very little money being donated to this cause .  Regardless of the desire and passion I had to make this a success, this project was of no value and I was of no value.  It was dark for me, even though I wanted to be enrobed in the heavenly light, with money pouring in.  As I began to heal from this terrible depression, I learned that the money doesn’t define me.  Whether I got millions or nothing, I was of value.  What I offer as a performer is of great value.  I began to look at comments from my videos, think about conversations I’ve had with people all over the world, the feeling that is present when I perform, and then the number of ‘shares’ that each video has had and even this fundraiser.  What I offer is of great value.  I am of great value.  This project doesn’t define me.  Money raised doesn’t define me.  Although that fundraiser did not hit its mark, nor even close to it, I have to say it was a success, in a different way than I expected.  The fundraiser got a lot of exposure.  A few private donations came filtering through.  And I found out who I am. That was, perhaps, the success I needed to have at that time.  Each of those were blessings, but understanding my value, my worth was I needed most at that time.  Of course, I pray more will come.  More videos, more money, more success.  For now, I will keep making videos with the budget and time that I have.  Through it all, I’m grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that knows what I need, when I need it, and lets me learn it, even the hard way!… sometimes that’s the only way!  Smile.

Here was the footage from my fundraising campaign.  🙂

(Sorry the file was too big, so it’s broken up into 6 parts.)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Whatever you do in life, whatever your passion is, whatever your goals, don’t ever feel like you are not good enough.  You are.  You were made to be great.  If you feel like you are of no value, find a professional counselor, a trusted friend, a church leader, and learn who you are.  Work, success, money, or anything of the like, should not define you.  Being you is the only thing you should worry about.  Because that defines you.  And you are of worth, no matter what!